Someone to Fight for
by Polly83
Summary: Claire dies after just 1 year of marriage with Alex, leaving him at Drovers with two daughters to take care of. Sad, but touching. Trust me, you'll love it. Rating's for the theme. It gets less sad, promise.
1. Realization

**If you don't wanna read something sad then don't read this. I don't know what possessed me, but I felt I had to write this, even if I usually like fluff best. I also think I made a good job with this, so I think it's worthy, even if it's heartbreaking.**

**I wrote this as a one-shot, then I decided to write more of this when someone asked. I'm very slow at posting this because not a lot of readers are interested in sad stories and because the plot isn't what matters the most. It's mostly about feeling and family.**

**Part 1****- Realization**

Alex looked around him. He was in the Drovers master bedroom, his room from the day Claire had agreed on becoming his wife. Three months later they were married. The best day of his life, started with the last touches for the wedding and ended with the best marriage gift he could wish for. His newlywed wife had told him they were going to be parents again. But this time they were going to live this pregnancy together, without lies or secrets. This time they were real and nothing could tear them apart.

Or so he thought.

And then…

A car accident. She was just going in Gungellan for party supplies. She had even laugh at him because he wanted a proper kiss, even if she would be gone only for a few hours.

And now she was gone.

But for good.

Yesterday it was the first anniversary of their marriage and today he had to bury her.

Why life was so unfair?

They were happy… the last year had been the happier in both their lives, and now he didn't know if he could be happy again.

But life goes on. And he had to live. He had to fight for the family he and Claire were building together. He had thought her death was the worst thing he could think of, but lose that family would be even worst. There was more involved than just Claire's life now…

He had to fight for Charlotte, just one year old, because he knew that Claire wanted her to grow up at Drovers, where she had grown up with her father, and he couldn't let Peter have his little Bom, even if he was her biological father. Charlotte was HIS daughter, not Peter's, he was the one beside Claire when she was born, he was there when she had been bitten by a spider, he was the one she had called Dad for the first time, making of him the proudest man alive. A month ago they had just started legal proceedings to let him adopt her… He had to fight to make this adoption legal, even if Claire wasn't with him anymore, because he was Charlotte's father in every way that counts, not Peter. He had seen her just a couple of times, right after she was born and at her first birthday, a few months ago. Drovers was her home, was the place she was supposed to live in, with him and her Aunty Tess and Uncle Nick, with her family.

He had to fight for his little sunshine too, for Elisa Marianne McLeod-Ryan, barely four months old.

Their younger daughter.

He remembered like it was yesterday the discussion about her middle name… or better fight, especially when Claire had suggested "Marion" as middle name… But there had been no discussion when the first name was pronounced, they both knew this was it. It was Prue's middle name, and part of her other grandma's name, Elisabeth. This way she would be named after both her grandmothers. At that time Alex was just trying to rebuild a sort of relationship with his mother, also because she was the only grandmother his daughters were going to have.

Even if it had happened just a few months ago, Alex felt like it was a time so far…

Claire was by his side then, so it actually was another life for him. Now everything was going to be different.

When he and Claire got together he was sure his life couldn't but be beside her, and now his life were his little babies, Bom and Ellie. They were still so young, so innocent, so fragile, and they were never getting to know their amazing mother, apart from what he or Tess or everyone else could tell them.

He was the only parent they were going to have…

This thought had scared him when the realization first hit him, but now he knew that this was his strength, they were his strength. His daughters were his fingerhold and toehold, his reason to woke up every morning and to work hard everyday. His reason to keep living there.

He couldn't sleep at night without Claire. Even the night before the wedding, he hadn't been able to sleep. And now he couldn't just wait for her to come back, because she was not coming back never again. The only way he had to fall asleep for now was sleep with his babies on the same room. Their light breath was the only sound that could set his mind at rest these days, so he had placed their tiny beds on the master bedroom. But he would have to move on sooner or later…

Maybe later…

"Alex, do you need help with the girls?" Meg asked him from the door, waking him from his thoughts.

Ellie was sleeping peacefully beside him, on the big bed, under his thoughtful eye, already wearing her little dark dress for the ceremony. Charlotte was definitely more quiet than usual. She was playing in her playpen with her favourite stuffed toy, obviously a horse (she was still Claire McLeod's daughter after all…). It was his gift for her when he had married her mother. Bom was a part of Claire, and he felt like he was going to marry the both of them. Actually them both and the little one already on the way…

Pity they had to wear in black today, it definitely didn't fit them. Charlotte was a calm girl, but she always had this worm smile that could lighten a room, and Ellie… she was still a little baby, but already feisty and spirited like her Mum. But it was only for today. Then he didn't plan on having his daughters dressed in black never again. He was sure Claire didn't want this, she wanted them to be happy, and he knew he could make them live a rather happy life, he could make it. Besides he was not alone, he had Tess, Meg, Nick, Jodi, Stevie, and even Harry and Liz. The older Ryans weren't exactly the best parents of the planet, but they loved both their granddaughters, and played their role of grandparents rather fine after all.

"No, thanks Meg. They are both ready"

"Yeah, I can see it." She said smiling. It was so hard even for her to picture this house without Claire, she couldn't even imagine how hard it could be for Alex. She was his soulmate, everyone could see that. Still they had had so little time to enjoy their life together…

"Time to go?" Alex asked, seeing that Meg was still leaning on the doorpost, watching him intensively.

Meg just shrugged her shoulders, motioning to come out. "Almost."

In the meantime Ellie stirred a bit and was almost starting to cry. Straight away Alex gently tickled her tummy, making her giggle, and reassured her with his voice. "Hey little sunshine, you can't be hungry again, I just fed and changed you, so, please, stay quiet for a while now. We're going to say goodbye to Mummy, ok? And you wanna be a good girl for Mummy, don't you?"

He had started quite calmly, but he barely managed to finish what he was saying because his voice broke and tears made his eyes swollen. His heart was so broken. He knew he would survive, and he would even be happy again… How couldn't he, with such lovely things to live for? But he knew that a part of him was gone, and this was going to hurt him forever. His loss probably would lessen a bit everyday, but would always be there whenever he thought of what a life with Claire AND their daughters would be like.

How could he be their mother and father, how could he replace Claire's role in their young lives?

"Alex?" Meg interrupted him again.

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be such a great father for them, you already are" She comforted him with a supportive smile. He just sighed at first, but before she could turn on her toes he stopped her.

"Thanks Meg. I guess it was what I needed to hear right now. You know, it's easier when I've somebody to fight and to live for…"

With a last look at the room he picked Ellie up from the bed and placed her in the baby pack carrier, then collected Charlotte from her playpen.

"Come on, let's go. We can't let Mummy wait for us, can we?"

Like that, with Charlotte wrapped around his neck on his right side and gently encircling little Ellie with his left hand, he left the room where he had been the happiest man alive and went downstairs, to face the new unexpected life he had to live, the life of a single Dad.

**Have I mentioned before how important it is for me this story? So, please, if you want to make me really happy then R&R. Even if it's just to say it's really sad (which I already know :P).**


	2. Goodbye Claire

**When I wrote the first part of this story I thought it was gonna be a one-shot, but then I reconsidered it. I know that just a few people read that story, so I'm going very slow, I hope you don't mind. I need to take my time. **

**Anyway, this part is still sad, and contains a few flashbacks about Claire' accident. **

**Part 2**

**Goodbye Claire**

"_When Mum back?" Charlotte asked tugging at her father's trousers. _

"_Soon sweetie. Now can you help me changing your little sister? I'm sure Mummy will be here as soon as we've done" The little girl nodded and followed her father upstairs._

_Downstairs again Alex heard the phone rang and picked up, without thinking. _

"_Drover's Run, Alex speaking"_

"_It's me, Tess. It's about Claire…"_

_In that moment his heart had stopped. He felt it was something very bad, his soul knew it. Tess had only said that a car had turned head over feet just in front of them and there was nothing Claire could do to stop them from the crash. They were already heading to Fisher hospital, and Claire was still breathing, but Alex knew it was just a matter of time. He only hoped he could make__ it in time to see her a last time. _

_And he made it. It was at the hospital in no time, Nick at his toes. _

"_Where is she?" _

_Tess just pointed a room, crying desperately. __She had some bruises, but nothing serious, unlike Claire. Nick immediately pulled her in for an embrace, and tightened his grip around her waist when a doctor finally came out of Claire's room._

"_You're her relatives?"_

"_I'm her husband" "I'm her sister" Alex and Tess answered at the same time._

"_The car crush was pretty bad and the steering wheel caused her lungs to collapse. She's still breathing, but there's not much we can do, the damage is too extended to fix it, I'm sorry"_

_Alex heard Tess at his side burst into tears, shaking uncontrollably in Nick's arms, silently cursing the car, the road and everything she could. But Alex was already heading towards her room. _

_At first he just watched Claire from the door, placing one hand on the glass he was watching through. _

_He was feeling Tess' crying, but like it was somewhere else. He didn't feel like crying. There it was Claire, his Claire, the woman who had always been at his side for most of his life, and she needed him. There was nothing he could do, he was perfectly aware of it, but anyway he had to be there for her, and to be strong. _

_He turned at Tess once again, but she nodded him to go in there, she had already said her goodbye. Now it was his chance._

"_Claire…" _

_She looked up at him, and a new wave of pain washed through her face. Almost certainly every little movement she did was causing her further pain in her chest. Alex himself was feeling pain just watching her like this, "I'm here."_

_A slight smile appeared on her face. He knew that there were so many things she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. The same stood for him. They were there for each other, and that did matter. They were in this together like they had been facing things together for half of their lives._

_She squeezed his hand, telling him without words that everything was going to be fine, that he was going to make it, to live and learn, and that she trusted him enough to know that nothing needed to be said, he would do everything right. There was only one thing she knew he needed to hear…_

"_I chose you" _

_With these three words she meant to tell him so much more… She had chosen him once and forever, to be the man she wanted to share her life with, to be the father of her kids, the one she could always talk to and lean on. She had also chosen him to be a father for Charlotte, she had chosen him to be her strength and her steadiness, to live after her and make sure that every thing she loved was in safe hands. He was reading her mind and her thought, he knew every single thing she meant to say, he knew from her eyes and her hands squeezing his. _

_He nodded, biting his lower lip and repeating himself he had to be strong because he couldn't let her down. But it was so difficult to let her go… _

_He took her hand and kissed it lovingly, then mouthed a "Thanks" barely audible. Alex's word too had a deep meaning, this was a thanks for the best eighteen months of his life and for the previous fifteen years of friendship, a thanks for Charlotte and for Ellie, for loving him and giving to him their darling treasures, for never letting him down. An even a thanks for reminding him how lucky he had been in life being chosen by her._

_And then she was gone. Knowing that he was there for her, as always. And everything could only end up fine because there were great people taking care of what she loved._

Alex, still carrying his daughters, came out of the house and walked towards the spot where the ceremony was settled. For a moment his heart stopped when he had another flashback. He was walking through the same path, but in the end there was a tent, and under that there was the celebrant waiting for him and Claire to promise to share their lives until death tear them apart. It was like a sword in his chest. But he kept walking.

They were all here, everyone in the neighbourhood, family, friends and just acquaintances. Everyone in their best outfits, like Claire would mind it…

They were here because everyone loved and respected Claire McLeod. That was something he definitely wanted her daughters to know. He was so proud of her and they would be just as much proud of being Claire McLeod's daughters.

There was Tess, crying in Nick's arms. Tess had just moved on Wilgul with Nick, and Claire already missed so much her little sister… Kind of weird for someone who had been sharing the same house only for a part so small of their lives…

Luckily Tess had Nick. Who would have known that his little brother would have ended with Claire's little sister… Their life together was just at the beginning, and if they were going to be happy like he was with Claire, even for just a day, he knew it was worth it, beyond every fear Tess could have. For him it had been like this. Even just a day with Claire worth a whole life.

Standing next to Tess there was Meg, mother hen, now carrying Ellie and wrapping her other arm around Jodi's shoulder. She definitely was a Mum. Not only for Jodi, even for all of them she was a sort of Mum. Sometimes she had been a Mum even for Becky, even if she didn't like her at all at day one.

Jodi was the more coloured of the crowd. The same old Jodi… She had told them that Claire would have liked it that way, and she was definitely right. She was the funny part of the family, of the big family of Drovers.

Then Terry, Stevie, Becky and Jake, Harry, his mother, Neil Thompson, Beth Martin, the celebrant of their marriage, Craig, Vince, back from the city just for his goodbye to Claire… Even Jasmine, Claire's cousin, was there. They had met a few months ago, and they had immediately gotten along quite well, both strong women, both experiencing a loss in their family, both hurt and also blessed by love.

Each of them held stories about her, each one was somehow bonded to her.

Alex was still looking at the people around him, carrying Charlotte in his arms, while Terry, Meg and Tess talked. Terry read a poetry, which he found perfectly fitting, Meg stressed how badly Claire wished she could one day have the family she had missed, and finally she had had it, Tess described how hard it was to let her go, still feeling so badly the loss they had experienced in their life not being together.

Then he put Charlotte to the ground. It was his turn, his chance to say goodbye.

The couple of steps from where he was standing to the coffin were the hardest of his life, it was like something was chaining his feet to the ground. But once again he made it. And started talking.

"I'm supposed to say something because I'm her husband, her partner and best friend, so I'm supposed to know her better then everyone else here, and probably I do, but still I don't know what to say. I don't know what to say because nobody ever teaches you how to deal with this. Nobody can. Even if you past through it, you don't know how you do it, in the end you only know you survived.

I can only say that I'm lucky. I'm lucky because I met her, because I had her by my side through life, because I married her and because of them."

Looking at the little girls he noticed on the background the last person he wanted to see today. He knew he could have his reason to come, but his mere existence made him twirl inside. Seeing him reminded Alex that he could lose Charlotte because of some stupid genes. The fact that Bom shared half of her genes with him didn't mean he was anything to her. They had to talk, and the sooner the better, but now he had to finish his speech. And this was something he had to do right. He had always wanted to do things right when Claire was involved. Even when she was pregnant with Peter's child…

"She left me, but she left me with part of her in the girls and I'm so grateful for this part. Thanks Claire, because if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be the person I am now. I promise I'll do my best with our daughters, and you know it. Even in your last breath you helped me accepting what we couldn't change anymore." Claire's labile voice was still echoing in his ears… _'I chose you'_ "You had faith in me, and I won't ever let this faith down. Never. This was my promise when we got married and this promise still stands and ever will."

He bended to the coffin and let a red rose land over it. A sole tear was leaving his eyes, running slowly through his cheek. He had to be strong, Claire didn't like people making a drama over things, and this thought made him smile slightly.

There was nothing else he needed to say, but he couldn't leave. There he was, for the very last time beside Claire's body, and leaving meant start a new life without her, something he wasn't craving for.


	3. Fighting for Charlotte

**Part 3: Fighting for Charlotte**

The most heartbreaking part of the ceremony had been looking at a 20 months old Charlotte walking to her mother's coffin, her little hand searching for the big one of his father, then letting a flower drop down there. "Bye Mummy" she just said.

This was almost unbearable for Alex. He knew he had to be strong for her, but now it was her the one holding his hand to comfort him. He then kneeled down and hugged her tightly, needing to feel her close, and with the girl in his arms he finally was able to leave.

"_Daddy, why Mummy not here?"_

_How could he explain to his creature that her mother wasn't going to come back home never again? That she wouldn't have tucked her in every night, or cuddled her when she had nightmares? _

_Alex held her in his lap, as close as he could. _

"_Look sweetie, you know how much Mummy loves you and your little sister, right?" the little girl nodded in agreement "And you remember when she told you which star had she picked for her and for you?" another knowing nod "Now she's there, in that star, where she can ever ever look after you and Ellie. And if you miss her you can look at that star and talk to her. I'm sure she'll listen."_

Peter had felt a wave of jealousy watching his own daughter hugging Alex. He knew she considered Alex her father, she called him Dad and she was too young to know what a biological father was. Peter for her was just a man who had seen her a couple of times. He wanted to scream that she was his and not Alex's, but it was not the right time or place.

Claire had asked him to let Alex taking legal custody of his own blood, and he had agreed, but now everything was different. Now he couldn't let Charlotte live without her mother AND her father. He could understand that Claire wanted to raise her kids together and Alex was beside her, so this arrangement was the simplest way to do it, but now she was dead, and Alex was not her father. He was.

Peter had always been a bit envious of Alex, because he had succeeded in what he had failed. Marry Claire and have a family with her. He knew it was his fault if they missed their chance, but it was way more simple to let the fault drop over Alex. It was so easy to think that he heated Claire up against him, he let her refuse his proposal two years earlier, he convinced her to let him have a fathering role in Charlotte's life…

And now?

Now they both had to live without Claire…

As soon as the news of Claire's death had reached him he had known for sure that he wasn't completely over her. He knew she was one of a kind, and she would ever have a special place in his heart.

At least Alex had reason to grieve, he hadn't. She was just the mother of one of his daughters, but he had barely seen her during the last year. And this was the worst part for him. He couldn't say what he really felt, he had no right. He barely had right enough to be there in this circumstance. He was perfectly aware he wasn't welcome at all. As Claire once told him, everyone there was overprotective towards her, and from the moment they knew he was married they had hated him. Everyone. Alex on the lead.

So it was obvious that they were totally on Alex' side, but it didn't matter. He was Charlotte's real father and nobody could let him think he had to leave his daughter in someone else's care, even if this person had been her mother's husband for a few months.

Peter had watched the ceremony from the beginning, standing a bit aside from the others, but despite all his reasoning he was scared. He didn't know how he could react seeing Alex now, he didn't know how he could react seeing how Charlotte treated himself and how differently she treated Alex. He had seen the look on Claire's face when she had realized that she could lose Alex marrying him, and he knew that it was nothing compared to the look on Alex' face right now.

Peter was so lost in thoughts that he didn't notice that the ceremony was over and everybody was heading towards the house. Everybody but Alex.

Meg and Jodi were carrying the girls inside, but Alex was still standing there, looking at Peter, looking at the man that could drive him mad. And he was perfectly aware that this time he couldn't be mad, one mistake, one bad word and Charlotte was gone. Forever maybe. And he couldn't let this happen. He couldn't let this happen, for Claire but mostly for himself. He needed her… He couldn't lose her after losing Claire…

"What do you want?" Alex finally asked out loud, in a fairly inexpressive voice, waking Peter from his reverie.

His icy tone hit Peter. He had expected an angry Alex, a hurt Alex, but not a cold Alex… By now he was used to see Alex mad at him, but he wasn't mad at all… "We need to talk about my daughter" he simply answered.

Alex' heart sank. He already thought this was the reason, but a part of him still hoped the knob would let things be, without fighting… "MY daughter! You agreed on letting me adopt her" Alex pointed.

"But it was before…" Peter started, but Alex knew very well where he was heading, he had expected this reply, so he stopped him before he could finish the sentence.

"It doesn't matter Peter! Charlotte lives here, you can't simply take her God knows where! You know as much as I do that Claire wanted her daughters to live here, on this land, on McLeod's land. Here there are her Aunt and Uncle and her own sister!"

They looked silently at the ground for a while, then Alex went on, still measuring every word he was saying. "You know how much Claire missed Tess? Do you want Charlotte to feel the same pain?"

"But I'm her father… and Julia…"

"Julia is not her mother by blood like I'm not her father, but look at her, just look." Alex said pointing at the girl giggling at her little sister on the outside couch. "This is her life. There are her room, her toys and her family, the only family she knows. You don't even know her, you don't know what's her favourite toy, what she likes to eat and what she doesn't like. If you want to get to know her, you're welcome, but don't try to take her away. Charlotte and Ellie are the only parts of Claire I still have, and I can fight for them until death. I'm sure you know what I mean."

And he knew.

Actually, one of the reasons why he wanted Charlotte's custody was the same as Alex'. She was a part of Claire, the only part he could have. And he had already lost every hope to have even a little part of her giving Charlotte away, but now… now… what could he do? He knew what he meant, but Alex had his own daughter to think of, he didn't need Charlotte…

"But you have your daughter…"

"I have two daughters. I know it's cruel, but these are the facts. I'm the only father Charlotte knows. She already lost her mother, you really want to take her apart from us? Do you know how painful it is as such a young age to miss someone? She could feel dumped for her whole life, I'm not joking, I'm reading a book about it. I know you have a family, and you think that Charlotte could be fine with you, but we are her family. Think about your wife. Do you think it would be easy for her to raise a child born from her husband's betrayal? You probably talked to her and she said it's ok, but one day she could change her mind… Here you know for sure that everyone really loves her no matter what. She has people willing to give their life for her. I'm sure you are a good father, and I'm sure you know that her place is here, like every McLeod's."

Peter's voice was getting lower and lower. He could understand Alex' point of view, and it was definitely reasonable. And there were children involved, so they couldn't get upset about nothing, for the girls' sake. He couldn't yell and he was running out of objections. Only one left…

"I just moved in Fisher, so you could see her quite frequently…"

Alex felt his self-consciousness, and prayed for words to come out of his mouth properly, because he too had only one more thing to say…

"Peter, we don't like each other very much, but when I promise something that's it. And if you let me have Charlotte I promise you'll be able to see her whenever you want, but I don't want her to be involved in a sue. That's the last thing she needs right now…"

They both stood there silent for a while, thinking. Actually Alex was not thinking, was just waiting. He knew he had spread everything he had to, now it was up to Peter. And even if they had to go into court, Alex knew he was going to do whatever he could to have Charlotte. He had already asked Bryce, his biological father, a lawyer, for legal advice. He couldn't made it for the funeral, but he could come soon to help him. And Harry was only too willing to help him with his lawyers too.

"Wanna come in for a while?" Alex asked, much to Peter's surprise. "You could spend some time with Charlotte…"

Peter didn't know if it was a tactic or something or he was actually being nice to him, offering the archetypal olive branch. Alex Ryan being nice to him was weird, but then the person standing in front of him was different from the Alex Ryan he knew. Or he assumed to know. Actually he had never really known him. But from the look of things back then Alex was just the local root rat who happened to be for some reason friend of Claire and hated him.

Anyway Peter decided to try and be at least polite with him. If they had to share Charlotte, one way or another, they had to find a way to live with each other anyway.

"Yeah, thanks"

Alex nodded and leaded him to the house.

As soon as Alex was inside little Charlotte called for him and he picked her up. "What's up sweetie?" "Daddy no going 'more"

"I was just outside, I'm not going anywhere, I told you I'd be back soon…"

"But you said Mummy back soon too…"

Alex now could understand what was bothering the little girl. Her mother left one day and never came back home. How could make her not fear another loss? He hurriedly hugged her, trying to convey her all his love. "I'll never leave you, I promise. But sometimes I'll have to work with Granddad at Killarney… but you don't have to be scared, I'll never leave you, I promise" he said then, knowing that this was comforting him more than her. "Now go and play with Jodi and Ellie, ok? I'm just here in the sitting room"

The little girl nodded and did what she was told, not after another hug and a big kiss on his cheek.

Alex saw the look on Peter's face and despite everything had happened he felt sorry for him. He could only guess what it was like to see his own flesh and blood being so attached to someone else, so he tried to explain. "Look Peter, she's scared. A few days ago her Mum went in town and never came back. Now she's just worried it could happen again…"

With his words Alex didn't mean to convince him, but for the first time Peter could understand Alex' earlier words and he truly felt how much Charlotte had been hit by this loss. And he also knew that he couldn't cause her another loss, even if she was his daughter. In fact he couldn't just because she WAS his daughter.

Maybe one day he could talk to Alex and let him explain everything to Charlotte, maybe one day he could consider her as his own again, but not now.

He could still keep inside him the feeling that something beautiful had grown from him and Claire, no matter how they had been hurt by each other.

"I'd better leave. I know nobody wants me here…"

Alex looked at him with a confused face, questioning him with his eyes.

"You're right. This is her home, if I really love her I have to let her go. But promise you'll call me whenever she'd need me, right?"

Alex, once in his life, felt the impulse to hug him. He was backing out, and this meant he could have Charlotte forever, without being sick worried someone could take her far from him. Peter was just making him the most precious gift he could. But he just smiled thankfully at him.

"Don't worry, they won't bite you, as soon as they know you're not taking Charlotte away. I could safely say they could even let you have dinner with us without growling at you…"

As the dinner proceeded Peter was more and more convinced he was doing the right thing. Alex didn't love Charlotte, he adored her, just as much as his own daughter. And he and Claire had done a good job with her involving Charlotte in her little sister's life. He remembered Alana not being very nice at Natalie at first, because she had the whole attention of her parents. Only when they were actually able to play together they had started to feel a true sisterly bond. But Charlotte always wanted to help Alex changing the nappies or feeding her baby sister. Of course there was not much she could do, but Alex pretended she was doing a very responsible job putting the dirt nappy into the trash or something like that.

And Alex was right, once the others knew he was not going to fight for Charlotte they had been nice. Still quite cold, but nice.

When Charlotte was finally tucked in bed he decided to leave, there was not so much he could do there anyway, and Alex escorted him to his car.

"Peter…" Alex called as he got in the car and started the engine. "Thanks"

"I guess this is my way to show you all that I really love her…" Peter said lifting his shoulder.

"I know. Thanks anyway"

Alex watched Peter's car leaving, feeling a ton of rocks fall down in his chest. Then he returned inside almost whistling and went straight in his room, to watch his daughters peacefully asleep in their cribs, for the first time in days content with himself.


	4. Daughters

**This is the last chapter I've finished so far, and I don't know when I'll be able to post again this story. Luckily there's no cliffhanger of any kind. ****I hope you'll still be reading when I post again P**

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Part ****4 : Daughters**

"_I__ still didn't give you your wedding gift…"_

"_So… now it's the moment?" Alex asked, wondering if there was anything on Earth that could make him happier than he already was._

"_Yup." She said coming closer. She wanted to look directly in his eyes giving him the news. "Your present actually is very very small… You probably couldn't even see it…"_

_He shot his eyes wide open. "Now I'm curious…"_

"_It's so tiny, but it will grow… and it's in there…" and telling that she placed her hands on her belly._

_Alex felt a cheeky grin growing on his face as her words sunk in. "You're… we… We're having a baby?"_

_She nodded, her grin instantly matching up his, and he picked her up and whirled her around the room. He felt he had never been this happy in his life and couldn't even be happier. _

That was the moment he had started to love Ellie. He didn't know if it was a boy or a girl, but he knew for sure that he would have loved this baby more than his own life, as it already was for Charlotte.

He couldn't believe at how much his life had changed in so little time… Around a year before his marriage took place he was just starting to understand how much Claire meant to him… realizing how scared he was of losing their friendship because of Peter…

Now two months had passed since her funeral, and things at Drovers had pretty much settled down again. Alex was split between his work at Killarney, the training business and taking care of the girls. 

Sometimes Meg even wondered if Claire had taken possession of his body, because he looked just like her after Charlotte was born, always pointlessly trying to do everything by himself. Of course he couldn't be in two places at the same time, but he was trying to have everything under control, and this was very hard having two jobs and two young kids to take care of. 

Peter was really a part of Charlotte's life now. He saw her every fortnight at least, often every weekend. At first Alex was always with Charlotte during his visits, that often took place at Drovers, so the girl could get used to his presence without being scared, but by now she liked to go at Peter's house to play with the big girls Alana and Natalie. 

Oddly enough, Alex and Peter had talked a lot during these visits, and they had even started to like each other. They had a lot in common: Claire, their daughters and their love for horses. 

At the beginning it was definitely weird just to chat, but then Peter had already raised 2 daughters, and Alex was surprised to find out that his advices could be very useful once in a while. Besides Alex was a natural with babies, and Peter still wondered how he could manage to do what he was supposed to without thinking about it, just by instinct. 

After Claire's death Alex had always known he had two choices: try to forget Claire, not talking about her and throwing away every thing she had owned, or face the truth and the pain that talking or thinking about her caused him. 

Jack McLeod had done the first thing. He could understand now why he had made that choice, but he also knew how hard it had been for Claire to live without a mother and without any memory of her. He didn't want this for his daughters. He didn't mind if it was painful for him, but they had to know everything about Claire, she had to be a real memory for them, not a ghost. Every funny expression she made, how amazing she was with animals and how difficult it was for her to let the others help her, the good and the bad, even the lot of bad habits she had, because he had learned that you know that you love someone just when you love the thing you hate about that person. 

Alex couldn't understand why everyone tried to avoid to pronounce Claire's name, especially in front of him. Maybe they wanted to make things easier for him, but it was completely useless, he already had Charlotte and Ellie reminding him every single day of Claire! There was no way he could forget her even in his whole life… 

Alex was just dropping Charlotte at Peter's home, as he often did, before going to grab supplies for both Drover's and Killarney. This time there was Peter waiting for them, and he couldn't help but smile at the girl's behaviour. As soon as Charlotte was out of the car she run in her funny unsure way to join Alana and Natalie with everything they were doing, and most of the times Peter and Julia didn't even receive a glance from her. 

"I guess it has to be very cool for her to have someone so 'grown up' to play with, used as she is at her little sister's company…" Peter spoke, starting the little chat they usually had every week.

"Maybe, but she's also used to Meg's and Jodi's and Stevie's and Kate's company… and they are like kids with her… especially Jodi…" Alex smiled, remembering how many times he had seen Jodi all dirty or wet for some game she had played, and the girls were still too little to do anything really wearing like running for the paddocks or trying to slip through the cattle's fence. "Besides she adores her little sister…" 

Peter smiled. The way Charlotte acted around her little sister was hard to miss. "Yeah, I noticed. She talks about Ellie all the time…"

"She loves so much playing the big sister…"

It was definitely true. Whenever she could she pointed out that she was the big sister, and she could help Daddy, and in a few months she could play with Ellie and teach her how to do things. She was so proud of her role that her chest almost puffed out whenever someone complimented her about her important task in her sister's life. 

"Talking about her… how's Ellie? It's been a while since I last saw her…" 

When Peter was meeting Charlotte at Drovers, Ellie was always around as Charlotte seemed to be glued to her, but lately their meeting took place in Fisher, so Alex left Ellie at home with Meg or one of the girls.

"Yeah… next week you can bring Al and Nat to Drovers if you want, so they'll play all together… You can stay for dinner too if you want. We're having a barbie."

"Yeah, thanks. What's the barbie for? Something to celebrate?"

"Neah… anything special… We just felt like having one… you know, we kind of need a bit of enjoyment once in a while…"

For a while the men stayed there, watching the girls playing, without talking, each lost in his own thoughts. It was Peter breaking off the silence.

"You know, lately I've been thinking a lot about my life and my family…"

Alex had turned to look at him, but Peter seemed lost in thoughts again and needed a little push. "And so? What were you thinking about exactly?"

"That I'm lucky to have my family back… Julia and the girls… I know Julia and I got back together time ago, but until now I thought I just wanted my '_family'_ back, but not each of them… I can't explain properly, but I think I'm falling in love with them all over again… especially with my wife…"

Alex winked at him. "Good for you…"

But apparently Peter hadn't finished yet. "I think I asked Julia to get back together because I missed my family, the girls, the usual routine, but now I find everyday how amazing she is and how lucky I am to have her back. Even with Charlotte she's so sweet… at first I thought it could be hard for her to spend time with someone else's daughter, but she's wonderful just like with her own daughters…"

Alex smiled. Looked like both him and Peter had married the woman of their lives after all… "Then I'm happy for you. Really. You know, sometimes I wondered if you were where you really wanted to be… if you knew how lucky you are…"

"Now I know I am exactly where I wanna be. And I know I'm bloody lucky too"

Peter didn't know if talk to Alex about is marriage was appropriate, considering that he had lost his wife not so long ago, but he didn't seem to mind. Again and again Peter was surprised by Alex, he was a definitely grown up person now. Someone he was glad to know being on Charlotte's side. Someone he was glad to be growing closer with. 

Tess and Nick usually had dinner with them on Drovers every second day, and they were always all together on the weekends. They called it 'family time'. Once in a while even Harry invited his sons and 'their women' as he had started to call Tess, Bom and Ellie. This was his way to adjust to Claire's death. He had realized that saying 'his sons and their families' didn't make a lot of sense anymore, considering the huge part of the family that was now missing.

Tess was split between Drover's Run (wholly in her hands now) and her business with Nick, and was so busy that could give her nieces just a little time every week, much to her disappointment. Obviously Alex knew it wasn't her fault and was trying his best to be supportive. However, doing so, he repeatedly forgot to delegate, just that once in a while, his responsibilities over the girls. To be clear, he didn't get his rest even when Bom and Ellie were with their aunt. He had always something else to do.

After another couple of weeks Alex was exhausted, so he took the opportunity Peter offered him to take Charlotte on a quick vacation for a couple of days and nights. 

On Thursday evening there was just Tess for dinner, Nick being busy at Wilgul, and Alex informed his sister-in-law of his last conversation with Peter about Charlotte.

"So I told Peter he could have Bom for the whole weekend this time, if you don't mind…"

"Ah." She weighed it up for a moment before answering. "No, it's ok, I have to stay at Wilgul for the crop anyway… Why this change?"

Tess knew that Alex by now trusted Peter with Charlotte, but he usually didn't like to have neither one of his girls out of his sight for too long. Especially at night. 

"Because she trust him by now…" Just half of the truth, and Tess certainly wasn't dumb. "and I'm so tired… This way I wouldn't have to be worried about both the girls for a couple of days… Do you think I'm a bad father for this?"

When he looked straight at Tess uncertainty was clearly visible in his eyes. As if being tired could make him a bad father…

"Of course not! You're just human! It's perfectly understandable if you need a bit of time to rest… I always wonders how can you go on like this… I mean… they are still so little… and both need you, and you have 2 jobs… and Meg said Ellie is teething… "

Now Tess was feeling slightly bad… she had felt a bit left out sometimes in the life of her nieces, but now she saw it wasn't Alex' fault… He was doing his best… and she was so preoccupied in her new life at Wilgul and her business with Nick that she hadn't even thought at how hard it was for him… Actually she had, but then her mind always shifted on something else.

Alex nodded, an amused smile on his face. "Yeah… I barely sleep for a couple of hours in a row at night…" Now he could definitely understand why Claire was so nervous and touchy when Bom was a baby. 

"Alex, you really need to rest. Everyone here would be happy to take care of them for a day, or even for a night, and this wouldn't make you a bad father… If you ask me, Bom and Ellie right now have the best dad they could wish for" Why she hadn't proposed it beforehand? She would be happy to have her nieces for a while at any time, but she had failed in letting him know that. "I mean it Alex, let me and Nick take them every now and then, okay? We need to practice anyway for when we'll have our own kids…" she finished almost blushing. This was something she had been talking about with Nick a lot lately, but talking with someone else wasn't so easy… it still felt kind of weird, even if this someone was her brother-in-law. 

That same weekend Alex had found he still had a lot of work with just Ellie. She had been waking him every night for at least a week, and during the day he could barely keep his eyes open. But he didn't complain and kept doing his best. Meg and Jodi tried to force him to take a nap, but apparently he had always work to do. Besides he and the girls were the only ones actually living in the homestead… so nobody else could hear the girls crying during the nights and help him out…

When he came back from work on Saturday he immediately went upstairs to bath Ellie. He loved these moments, when there was just him with this little thing called Ellie. Just holding her was a sort of miracle in itself. How had it been possible for him and Claire to create a human being? And a human being growing up so fast! Charlotte was already hard to carry, and soon enough Ellie would start walking…

He didn't know if it was for being so tired or just because she had slipped, but a second he was holding Ellie and the next she was falling under the running water. It was just a second, and she was out of water before she could even notice it was not a funny joke, but Alex was scared to death anyway. What if she hit her head in the process? What if he fell asleep holding her? He was her father, he was responsible for her young life…

Just to be sure, he dressed the child, informed Meg of where he was going and drove to the hospital. 

When they came back he was relieved, but still scared it could happen another time, scared he could somehow ruin the life he had contributed to generate. The same thoughts he had had before his wife's funeral kept running through his mind: how could he be their mother and father, how could he replace Claire's role in his daughters' young lives?

After the incident Tess, Meg, Nick and even Jodi had kept telling him it was not his fault and nothing serious had happened, but he was not so sure about that. 

What if he couldn't handle this? 

What if he was letting Claire's hopes down? 

What if he really caused troubles to one of his precious daughters?

He knew that the whole family would ever be supportive, so he stopped asking, but he had to talk to someone, someone who wasn't linked to him by blood or family matters…

As weird as it sounded, he decided to talk with Peter. There was something soothing in the knowledge of their long-dated enmity. There was no need for him to be reassuring, to cheer him up. 

Maybe he almost hoped to be yelled at instead.

On Sunday evening Peter came to bring Charlotte back and Alex invited him for dinner. Nick and Tess were spending the evening at Wilgul, so they were alone after the girls' bedtime. 

How many times he had been the one invited for dinner and Claire the one inviting him? 

And now he was the host… It was still a bit weird, but this was his daughters' home… where they were supposed to grow up, so it was still his home as well…

"How 'bout a beer Peter?" 

"Yeah, thanks." Alex took two bottles from the fridge and leaded outside, almost crashing on the couch. Even Peter could see that something was bothering him. "Something's wrong?"

"What?" Alex asked waking up from his reverie. Tonight he wasn't exactly the perfect host, wasn't he? He had offered a beer and a second later had troubles focusing on what his guest was saying. "Yeah… I mean, no. May be. It's just…" How could he explain this? "Ellie slipped when I was bathing her…"

"Oh. She's ok?"

"Yeah, it was just a second, she's perfectly fine, but…"

"But?"

"But I'm not fine… I keep reliving that moment… I think I can't do anything right… What if one of my girls gets hurt because of me? I can't stand the thought!" Alex gulped a sip of his beer and loosened himself on the couch. "I could understand if you wanted to keep Charlotte now…" This was the yin/yang of letting him know what had happened… In this moment he was so down he would have probably agreed with him if he wanted Charlotte back.

Peter remained silent for a while, collecting his thoughts, then sighed. This was the best chance he would ever have, and he was aware of that, but on the other hand… 

"Leaving her here, with you, was the hardest decision of my life, but I managed just because I knew it was the right one. You love her and Ellie, you could never intentionally hurt one of them. Incidents happens, and we can't always prevent them from happening, I mean… look at Claire… but love is all that matters for kids, and here, with you, they have all the love a baby could need and wish for."

This was exactly what he needed to hear. The same thing is family kept telling him, but being told by Peter that he still trusted him with Charlotte was the biggest relief of his life. He hadn't completely screwed up then… 

"This is what you really think?"

"This is what I really think. I know I've never been easy on you, but I can't say you're not a good father. Nobody could."

Alex sighed deeply and relaxed on his seat, finally letting a small smile creeping up on his face. "For what it's worth… the same goes for you."

When their bottles were almost empty Alex broke the silence. 

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, go ahead"

"You really loved Claire, right?"

"Yeah, in some way I still do…"

"That's what I thought." Alex nodded, missing the puzzled look on Peter's face. The last thing he could have expected from Alex right now was being asked if he loved Claire… "If you could turn back time, would you change what your did?"

Peter took a second before answering. The question wasn't easy, at all, and he wanted to be honest, with Alex and with himself.

"I don't know… Maybe I'd do the same things… I know I was wrong a lot of times, I hurt Claire, I hurt Julia and the girls… but I'd be a different person otherwise and I can't know where I'd be. And you?"

"I'd ask Claire to marry me a lot sooner I guess… but she'd probably disagree… so I'd be at the starting line again…"

They both started laughing until Alex started coughing like crazy and Peter looked at him with a frown. "What?" 

"I just realized I could call you a mate after all… and this is…" a bizarre grimace appeared on Alex' face.

"Weird…"

Alex nodded forcefully. "Definitely" Actually 'weird' was the understatement of the year…

They both chuckled at the consideration. 

"Ehm… since we realized we could be called friends… there's something I guess I'd want to tell a friend…" Peter realized he wanted to share his news with him, but this new feeling still made him a bit shy.

"Go ahead" Alex encouraged with a forceful nod. Now that the revelation had hit home nothing could surprise him anymore. 

"Julia is pregnant"

Alex smiled. "Maybe you'll have a boy this time…"

"I don't know… we both seem to be intended to only have daughters…"

Lately even Peter referred to Charlotte as Alex' daughters. At first it was not to displease him, when they were still walking on eggshells, but then it was Alex the one living with her, playing with her every night, knowing everything about her, therefore it was just right to say he was Charlotte's father.

"When Claire was pregnant with Charlotte I used to say I was sure it would be a boy… and I was a bit like that even with Ellie… but now I'm glad I have daughters…"

"Why?"

"Because they remind me of Claire everyday… in a positive way I mean… Everyday one of them remind me why I loved their mother and why I love them… And they are so beautiful and cute… I could cuddle them all day long… I don't think it would be the same with a boy… at least after a certain age…" Peter laughed out loud. "And you? This time you wish for a girl or a boy?"

"I think it's the same… A boy would be a change, but another girl would be also okay. As you said, there's something so cute in a little girl…"

"You know, when Claire was pregnant with Ellie she was so scared because her mother died giving birth to her little brother… Obviously she didn't want the others to know, but I knew. When she finally had little Ellie in her arms, and both were perfectly healthy, she was so happy… We both were, but she was beaming despite her weariness. And then she looked up at me and said something like 'I told you it was gonna be another girl, but next time you'll have a boy, I promise.'. She wasn't scared anymore…"

A lot of things crossed Peter's mind, that he understood what Alex meant, that now there was never going to be a boy, that Claire wasn't scared for giving birth anymore but they had never had the chance to have that boy and so on. But Claire would still be dead and nothing could change that. He couldn't change or ease Alex' pain. Maybe he had even worsened the situation telling him about Julia's pregnancy…

"So… maybe it's you the one having a boy instead of me…"

He was smiling. The pain was still there, he could see it in his eyes, but he was smiling. Once more Peter found out that Alex Ryan could definitely surprise the hell out of him.


	5. Fathers

Part 5: Fathers

**Sorry, sorry, sorry. I know, it's been a loooong time since I last posted anything, not just this story. What can I say, at first I had uni to keep me busy, then vacation and then it's not easy to get back on track. I tried my best, but I'm not 100 sure yet (what's new then?).  
I hope you like it and thanks for your patience.**

By the way, I think this is the first part without flashbacks. The story is moving on... even without Claire...

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**Part 5: Fathers**

Six months had passed after Claire's death. Alex still slept in their room, the master bedroom at Drovers, the room he used to share with his wife, and almost everyday he went working at Killarney. When Meg couldn't take care of the babies he took Bom and Ellie with him. Weirdly enough, Harry was thrilled with this solution. His son was in charge about almost everything, just as he had always planned, and he could also spent a lot of time with his two lovely granddaughters. He had even forgot why he wanted grandsons instead of granddaughters in the first place. He couldn't think about anything more beautiful and fulfilling than the girls.

Harry had been very supportive with Alex in the last months. Since Claire's funeral actually. He loved Claire as the daughter he never had, and not only because she was his daughter-in-law, but mostly because she was strong and passionate and loved the land as much as he did. She had been probably his most stubborn and worthy opponent. Her accident had shown him how life could be unfair. He wasn't supposed to survive Claire McLeod, she was supposed to keep knocking some sense into his elder son's big head for a long time to come and watch her daughters grow.

Circumstances also allowed him to think. A lot.

Harry often found himself wondering what would he have done if Liz wasn't there when his sons were kids. He had been so rough on them both for so long… and Liz was the caring Mum that made them feel better, especially in Nick's case. For Alex it was different, he used his physical strength to get rid of his anger. Until Claire came in the picture. Then they had their small bets or challenges and his mood always improved a lot. Granted. Even when she killed him. Maybe because then she offered him a few beers or a dinner cooked by Meg…

What would have done Harry Ryan alone with two boys?

Not that much, most likely. He would have put them in a boarding school and almost forgotten about them.

But not Alex.

Maybe for the first time in his life Harry was really proud of his son for the way he was dealing with his life, for the man he had become, for the way he tried to keep the business on track and also spend as much time as possible with his girls.

He worked hard everyday with him and he was also keeping his and Claire's business on the road, even if surely wasn't easy for him. But, still, his favourite moment of the day was when he came home and played with the girls. Just then he was the real Alex, the good old Alex, cheerful and funny.

These girls could still bring out the best side of him.

Claire probably had done the trick, had been a positive influence over him, and not just for the months they had been together. After she was gone Harry wasn't the only one wondering if Alex was going to return the root rat he once was. He could have. He could be a part-time father, find other interests to keep him busy and distract him a bit. But so far he was still there, really concerned every minute for his daughters' wellbeing and happiness, taking care of every decision had to be made, even if it was just the day of the next doctor's appointment. In a certain extent Claire was still making her good influence working, through the girls. And Harry was grateful for that. He had never given that much thought at life after death, but now he was almost sure that Claire McLeod, somehow, was still there, with the lot of them, watching over Drovers, her daughters, her sister and Alex. It was way much harder to imagine Drover's Run without Claire McLeod in the picture. _That_ was nearly impossible.

Whatever was the reason, Alex was a good father, the kind of father Harry knew he hadn't ever been. He couldn't make up for that, he couldn't be a better father for his sons, but he could be a great granddad for the girls, and that he planned on doing.

The day of Jodi's 21st birthday there was a party organized at Drovers. Bom and Ellie were supposed to be with Meg, keeping her company during arrangements, so Alex had spent all day at Killarney to catch up on some paperwork. He had had a little problem to work out, so he was a bit late for Jodi's party.

Driving his ute he couldn't believe at how Jodi had changed lately… She was still the funny part of the house, but she had learned when she could complain and when instead she just had to work. Actually Alex and Jodi had known each other a lot better lately, and he liked to see that a complaining annoying girly girl was growing into a beautiful strong woman. How could be otherwise after all, with all the amazing examples of strong women she had around her…

Alex had to admit that he had started to like Jodi especially seeing her with his girls. She was so eager and excited when she played with them… Sometimes Jodi and Meg almost had a fight over who had to baby-sit Bom and Ellie. In one of those episodes he had known for sure that he couldn't but appreciate whoever loved his daughters like that. Call it father pride or whatever, but it was damn true. She liked his daughters and they liked her, so he couldn't but like her too.

That evening he expected the Drover's homestead to be full of people having fun, but everything was oddly silent. On the porch the decorations were in place, tables with food and drinks were set, but everything laid untouched. He walked in the kitchen, but still no sign of anyone. Just when he was about to go back outside he heard voices from the back of the house. Turning around he saw Meg arguing with Kate. He wanted to go and ask them what was happening when he heard crying sounds from inside and little footsteps coming closer.

Charlotte run to him and hid her little face in his jeans, sobbing. He bent down and took her in his arms, starting to get worried. "What?!"

"Dad, Dad, Ellie's crying, she fell…" she managed to whimper. Alex felt a thump in his chest and immediately run inside.

Ellie had just slipped from the sofa on the carpeted floor, no big damage, but both the girls had had a fright. Alex' anger started to rise. Why the girls were all alone in the living room? Charlotte was just two, she couldn't be watching her little sister all by herself! What had happened? What _was_ happening?

When his daughters were both calmed down and settled in the playpen he stormed outside to get some answers.

Meg had locked herself up in the cottage and Jodi was nowhere to be found. So Kate was the only one he managed to talk to, the lucky one that had to hear the outburst of Alex' fury.

"What the hell is going on? My daughter fell from the sofa and nobody was there to hear her crying!! NO BODY!! I had Charlotte to come and tell me, and she was scared to death! I thought I was going to find a party here! And also someone watching over my daughters! And where is Jodi by the way? What's happening?"

Kate took a deep breath, trying not to cry and collecting her thoughts. She was shaking as a leaf, had even trouble explaining herself, for the rage that she felt creeping inside, but Alex at the moment was too angry himself to notice. "A few hours ago Jodi has been called by Jack's lawyers… Apparently Jack left her 100.000 dollars…"

"What?! Why?" Alex' anger subsided, leaving him utterly confused.

"Apparently he thought Jodi was his daughter…"

Alex's eyes widened. "What?!" Was it a joke? Not funny at all!

But no, it wasn't a joke. Nobody was having fun. He could almost taste pain and confusion and anger in the air. "How could Jack think…" And then it dawned on him. Claire had told him she had always suspected there had been something going on between her father and Meg, but that was way later, around the time Jodi had started school (which Jack had paid for, by the way)…

"I'm sorry about the girls Alex, but my best friend was shattered and I was angry and… hey, you know what, ask Meg if you want answers because I have none of it. I can't believe she had done that to her own daughter!!"

And whit this she stormed to her car. Alex could swear he had seen a tear leave Kate's cheek while she turned.

"Hey, Kate, where are you going?" He called after her, but she barely turned just enough to make him heard her words.

"I need to find Jodi!!"

The following 24 hours felt like Hell for everyone on Drovers. Jodi was still nowhere to be seen, Kate didn't want to even laid eyes on Meg and both were worried sick about Jodi's health.

Alex found healthier for Bom and Ellie to spend the next day and night at Killarney, far enough from all this mess, waiting for the turmoil to be over and hoping life could be the same again as soon as possible.

In the late afternoon he was working not far from Drovers' boundaries, so he decided to take a look at an old shed Jodi sometimes went to when something didn't feel right. She had told him. She had also told him that she liked the view there, and it happened to be the shed Jack had died in as well. Claire had taken him there a couple of times.

It looked like a place as good as anyone else to start searching. Because now he was sure he was going to look for her. Things had gotten too far already and could only get worse.

And there he found her, sitting on the wooden floor, with her back leaning on the wall.

Without a word he took a seat next to her and waited.

Jodi didn't seem to have noticed him, but he knew she had and was just waiting to collect her thoughts to decide what to tell him. Nobody could be as stubborn as his own wife, so he was prepared for that kind of warm welcome.

Alex didn't know how much time had passed, but finally Jodi looked up at him, even if just for a second, and just seeing her so lost and broken was hurting him. Jodi, who usually was so lively and bouncy and chatty. She sighed deeply and prepared herself for the talk that was coming.

"I wish I could talk to him… ask him why all of this happened, why now… why this way…" Her voice was low and sad, but held a certainty quite surprising, considering the situation.

"Maybe he thought he'd be here to explain everything to you…"

"But he isn't, and I can't possibly know what he intended to tell me. I won't ever know what he really knew, why he left me all this money and didn't leave me part of Drovers like he did with Tess…" Alex could just raise his shoulder. He had no idea either. "All this money could have spared Claire a lot of trouble, you know?"

That was sure. Claire had struggled for months after Jack's death, and things would have been different with 100.000 dollars, but maybe not easier. "Most likely four years ago you wouldn't have thought about that. You would have just kept the money and travelled around the world as soon as you could get out of here."

That thought at least made her smile. Yes, Alex was definitely right, at seventeen she couldn't care less about Drover's Run, let alone Claire McLeod, but now she had different dreams and different plans about her future. Actually she didn't have real plans, but she knew that Drovers was a part of her, as much as she had tried to deny or ignore it.

"You could be right about that. But I feel different now. I _am_ different."

Alex nodded sympathetically. "I know Jodi, everyone can see how grown up you are."

"But yet my own mother didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth about my father!"

Alex reached for her leg, trying to make her look at him. "It's not about trust and you know it. We don't know why she did this, why she kept this secret for all this time. Maybe at first she just didn't know how to break the news, and then she didn't want you to be angry with her for not telling…" he tried to reason.

Nobody could understand what Jodi was feeling better than Alex. He had felt the same way not so long ago, asking himself a thousand whys and hows, but in both cases they couldn't come up with any kind of solution, not by themselves. Their mothers had lied to them about who they were, and it wasn't easy to carry on like it's nothing when you feel like you don't even know who you are.

"This way now I'm a lot angrier with her! I don't know if I can ever trust her again and I don't even want to talk about her, not to mention talking _to_ her."

Jodi's voice was full of anger, but also sadness and regret.

"But you do know that she's still the only one that can give an answer to your questions. You'll _have_ to talk to her, eventually."

'Not if I've got any choice' Jodi's mind screamed. But she knew he was right. She couldn't live the rest of her life without knowing, wondering what was the truth and what was just a possibility. It was tearing her apart already. "I'm aware of that Alex. And I'll do, one day, but now I'm not ready yet."

Alex was sure he could trust her with this decision. Somehow he knew she would wait till the moment she was ready, but not any longer. She was already facing this thing better than he had. "Remember I know what you're feeling Jodes, and you know where I am, in case you need someone to talk to."

He put one hand on her shoulder, in the meantime getting up from the floor. It was time to get back, and he felt a lot better after seeing that little Jodi would have been fine, eventually.

Before he could get past the threshold she looked up and gave him a grateful nod. "Thanks… brother in law…"

He replied just shrugging and giving her a small smile before leaving her alone with her thoughts.

For the following week an outsider could assume that everything was pretty much back to normal, but Jodi was still in not speaking terms with Meg. She talked with everyone else and kept living in the shearers quarters, but everytime she met her mother she changed direction and made sure she wasn't working anywhere near her. She wasn't even complaining or arguing anymore, she just didn't feel like talking to her yet. But she was aware that she couldn't go on like this forever, the situation was too difficult for everyone else.

Jodi knew what she had to do, but it wasn't an easy step to take. It took her a few days to gather the courage, but finally she did it. She talked to Tess first, she was her boss after all. She didn't like the thought of her leaving at all, but could understand her reasons, so she supported her decision. Kate was slightly hurt by her resolution, but Jodi tried to reassure her that it was just a temporary arrangement and she would be back in no time.

Then it was Alex' turn. She didn't work for him, but Jodi felt he deserved an explanation anyway as much as Tess. Not because of parenthood or work relationship, but because he was a friend.

For this conversation she chose the old bathtub under the windmill. It was where everyone from Drovers went, especially if the matter was serious.

"Alex, there's something I need to tell you, it's important…"

"Uh-uh." He frowned in worry. What Jodi could possibly have to say that was that important? "Common, let's sit down. What's up?"

"I'm leaving…" she blurted out.

He had to be hearing wrong. Jodi leaving? Yeah, everyone knew she did want to leave Drovers after finishing school, but now things were very different… "What?!"

"I'm leaving Drovers." She repeated more steadily.

"But, Jodi, you're part of this land, even more now that you're a McLeod. You can't leave it all behind!"

Jodi let a small smile creep up on her face. Alex' eagerness to sort everything out was almost funny. And sweet, she had to admit. The 'party' had been held eight days beforehand, and Alex Ryan was the only one on Drovers that hadn't taken a side on this story, but had just been supportive with both her and her mother.

This had irritated Kate, because she took it as a sort of betrayal, she had called it 'keeping his bum on two horses', but Jodi could understand. They had talked about it a couple of times, and Alex had explained his point of view. He knew what it was like to know that a parent had lied for all his life, but he also knew that there had to be a reason for Meg's behaviour. And one day even Jodi herself would probably want to know. A parent couldn't do something like this un-heartedly. And Meg wasn't Liz Ryan, used to manipulate people all the time, Meg was a totally different story, a story that was part of Jodi's life as well.

"It's just… right now I can't live with Mum anymore, after all these lies… and you need her to help you with the girls…"

A part of Jodi had wanted Meg to leave and her to stay. She was her home after all, the only place she could call home, and Meg was the guilty part, but it hadn't lasted very long. Meg was the rock of the house. After Claire's death she had come back from her tour permanently, knowing she was needed more than ever.

"I don't want none of you to leave"

Actually both Jodi and Meg were the best baby-sitter ever. The girls loved them to bits, they were practically family anyway. Meg was more a parental role, teaching them rules, while Jodi was the cool auntie playing all the time.

And now that they had found out that Jodi was really their aunt, she was leaving them.

"I know Alex, but it's only a temporary arrangement, I'll be back before you can notice. I can't leave my nieces just with you… They'll need a girl's touch…"

"You could be right there. With Tess living at Wilgul you're the only girl around them…" Of course Tess loved to be an Aunt, but it was a lot different from when they lived in the same house…

"We can't let Harry have all the fun spoiling them…"

There wasn't anything else to say and they know they wouldn't be talking about that again, not until she was back.

Jodi didn't know where she was going exactly, so she couldn't even leave an address, but she promised to call and keep in touch.

There wasn't anything else to keep her, so the next day she left, sad for what she was leaving behind, but also excited and ready for whatever the future would bring.


End file.
